


The Secret In My Heart

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 02:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7916362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set at the end of The Seed of Cunning when Barbara gets home</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

_“Well, I should get going.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Can’t keep your latest beau waiting, can we?”_

_“Um, no. Goodnight, Sir.”_

It was while I was standing in front of the mirror rehearsing my opening lines for my blind date that I realised how ridiculous I was being. 

I dropped my bag, slipped off my coat, and then almost collapsed into the nearest chair, running my fingers tiredly through my hair. None of the men I had met had interested me and, in my heart of hearts, I knew why. None of them were Tommy. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself otherwise, the truth was that I was in love with him.

I slumped forward so that my forehead rested on the kitchen table, before gently banging it against the wooden surface as if I could knock some sense into my brain.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid woman!”

When I had first met Tommy I had found him attractive, but I never thought that he and I could be successful colleagues, let alone that I would go and fall in love with him. I had a massive chip on my shoulder and was convinced that the world was against me. Tommy had changed that. He had gradually worn away my prejudices, and together we had built a partnership, and with it a friendship, that somehow worked.

I thought back to his reaction as I was leaving the yard. His attitude had both hurt and confused me. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that he was jealous. I knew that was ridiculous, but a small part of me was pleased that he might be, because I wanted him to feel how I did whenever he and Helen were together. 

As soon as that thought crossed my mind I felt guilty. Tommy and Helen had been through hell, losing their unborn baby, and then their marriage falling apart, both of which I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. I had seen how much Tommy was hurting, and the part of me that was his friend ached for him. 

However, in my fantasies he forgot all about Helen and came to me. He told me that he loved me and asked me to forgive him for being a fool and taking so long to realise. I would smile at him shyly, before wrapping my arms around him and kissing him passionately. We would end up in bed, touching and caressing each other, loving each other all night long.

My cheeks felt wet and I realised that I was crying. Furiously I wiped my eyes with my fingers, but the tears wouldn’t stop. I surrendered to my agony; running from the kitchen and flinging myself down onto my bed, before allowing my heart to break, smothering my choking sobs in the depths of my pillow as I cried myself to sleep.


End file.
